Cosmopolis - D

Rated R, 108 minutes

Robert Pattinson

Odd, rambling and self-indulgent “Cosmopolis”

“Cosmopolis” has to rank as one of the year’s more bizarre, plotless independent films and among noted director David Cronenberg (“Eastern Promises”) worst film. Based on Don DeLillo’s novel of the same name, the film’s incessant, stilted dialogue wants to say something important about capitalism, wealth and the US free market in general, but it’ll lose you early on. The film concerns young billionaire Eric Packer (Robert Pattinson), who begins his day slowly riding across Manhattan to get a haircut. Along the way he runs across several obstacles, including a visit from the President of the United States, a young rapper’s funeral, and riots that he is the cause of. He realizes during this trek his company is losing money quickly and he is losing his fortune, and maybe his life in the process. Slow, talky and dizzyingly odd and rambling, “Cosmopolis” is a failure largely due to the inept script from DeLillo and Cronenberg and Cronenberg’s flat direction. Cronenberg, even with his successes in recent years with “Eastern Promises” and “A History of Violence,” has never been one to fit in with the mainstream, and he seems to veer way off course here, with 80% of the film shot inside a white limo. It would be easy to pin the blame on Pattinson, a bland actor over his head here, but place the blame for the dismal “Cosmopolis” on Cronenberg. There are a few bizarre, confusing cameos from the likes of Juliette Binoche, Samantha Morton and Jay Baruchel, though the most memorable performance comes from Oscar-nominated character actor Paul Giamatti, who chews on scenery in the final, intense moments, which provides the film’s really only worty moments, but it takes too long to get there. Cronenberg had likely intended this to be a satire on something, but nothing really works, including an uncomfortable scene with Pattinson getting a prostate exam inside the limo while talking to a co-worker. “Cosmopolis” has about as much excitement as that prostate exam, which should tell you to stay away from this film.